I Can't Write Jokes but You Can Become a Standup Comic

This is Taylor Jones, the hack writer.

I??m a prolific writer of much needed articles.

I wrote from scratch most of the over 150 articles I??ve posted on www.ezinearticles.com during the last two months.

Okay, so some were not much needed, but over 15,000 folks have visited the articles along with over 100 ezine publishers.

It??s true. I can write on any subject.

What I can??t do is write jokes.

I??ve tried to learn the craft.

I can??t.

However, I did find a website that might get you started in writing jokes and could even get you paid in applause, or even money, by doing standup comedy. The site is http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/minis/mini/standupMINI/standupMINI2.html.

Good Luck!

I??m sure you will become famous.

If you do, maybe you can drop me off a ticket to one of your shows when you make the big-time and perform in Southern Idaho.

We live in the Banana Belt of Idaho. Kids and adults here leave there coats at home if the temperature gets over 25 degrees.

The other night we took our Idaho grandkids to dinner. The four-year-old had a sweater but no coat.

I said, ??Bob, where is your coat???

She said, ??Home.??

I think the temperature was about 7 degrees.

Bob is a Girl. Her given name is not Bob. About a year ago she said, ??My name is Bob!??

Now nobody dares call her anything else.

Kids say the funniest things as Art Linkletter use to say.

My aunt was on his show. She was the oldest mother in the United States with the youngest baby.

That would be my cousin, Billy.

Where in the heck are you, Billy?

When my daughter-in-law had triplets up in Washington State, our four-year-old granddaughter said, ??I??ve got a new sister and she has two brothers.??

We went to a recital after dinner. I was afraid that everybody was going to freeze to death (especially Bob).

It was so cold that the red banner around the Sizzler??? sign turned blue.

I??ve often wondered why the lettering saying ??Sizzler????? is not colored RED rather than a cold color like blue or green, whichever it is.

Well, how hot was your steak by the time the girl brought it to you?

Do they call thatTruth in Advertising?

I??ve only bought one steak at Sizzler???.

I ordered ??medium rare?? and they brought me ??medium horsehide.??

If it wasn??t cold when I got it, it sure was when I nailed it to my boot.

I like to go to Sizzler???. I??ve learned to order the salmon.

The salmon is served with rice pilaf and that yummy Texas toast.

You can get the soup, salad, and dessert bar for an extra buck.

I think I told you that my aortic valve is from a pig.

I??m grateful for that pig. I have a little stuffed pig on top of my monitor. He is pink. He wares a biker??s jacket that says ??Harley Davidson.?? If I have chest pains again, he will hop on his bike and get the hell out of here.

Do you have those little Windows??? pop-ups while you are typing?

Mine just said,Your virus protection has been updated.

The computer techs can hardly keep up with the new viruses.

Sometimes one will pop up and say The Kiddlelooper Virus is an insidious worm that enters your computer and erases your hard drive if you turn your computer off after reading your email and then turn it back on again.

The last time I turned off my computer was 1963.

Well, I have to go now.

The wind just blew my horse over.

It's All BS I Tell You

Now I don??t mean to insult any great writers and entrepreneurs out there, but the simple truth most books adsense are all full of nothing but what google says.

I realized this after days of searching for the renowned cheats or tricks and all that. I??ll admit everything I??ve written about adsense comes or is a changed version of what google already told me.

I searched and searched but couldn??t find anything that useful. Now after weeks of reading just about every book out there about adsense I got fed up with all that b.s. Then that??s when I actually visited the google adsense help page. And boy was I surprised! I mean there was everything I??ve always wanted to know about adsense all the formats examples the different positions that work for most webmasters?? I couldn??t believe it all this time I??ve been searching all around and the truth was in my eyes the whole time. Everything I??ve read in those books all summarized and categorized. After just a day I had read through most of the FAQ and had just about increased my income?? well to 100%. I admit I had nothing but 2 clicks in my adsense account. I??ve always wanted to get more, hence hearing all about the great google adsense. But like any tool you have to know how it works.

After a while I decided to help out any webmasters out there who may be like me. Searching and wasting time trying to find the ??secrets??.

Well I am sorry to say you??ve wasted time and nothing but. There are really three things you can do to better learn how to use adsense:

1. Check out their help page (https://www.google.com/support/adsense) this is the most important and first thing to do.

2. Second remember no matter what the world is full of individuals and unique people. So if the suggested method doesn??t seem to work try something else.

3. And of course know this adsense is to a lot of webmasters a boss you know the one who pays the bills. But to another few (including me) consider it a hobby. We are the true webmasters because when we find something new we study it embrace it and essentially love it. Because anything that makes web mastering easier like automatically sensing your site and choosing appropriate ads??Anyways everyone seems to have tried to use adsense as a kind of a job. Changing your whole site because of it and all that. Well if you do remember NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is more important than your sweet dedicated visitors. Make them happy and interested and you are done, anything else you get out of it is just a bonus.

Well that??s it I hope this has helped many of you who wanted a general view of adsense.

I am the proud owner of http://allaboutadsense.blogspot.com/ And I write about google adsense in my spare time. And consider it a hobby.

By : Didier Ntwali

http://www.flight-hotel-travel.com
http://www.SuperSubmit.net
Keyword : adsense,adsense tips,adsense tricks,blogs about adsense

"Lonely Girl" (The Afterward: Rocking in Her Chair)

Afterward to:

?Lonely Girl?

Rocking in Her Chair

She dreamt so high
that she never lost her dream
In the seeking of it,
And until the day she died?
she kept rocking in her chair
The memory of those far off days
That mattered?!


Note: #1395 7/23/006

[In Uniform] She had seen Murray once in his uniform, and kept a picture of him in it, at the time, he appeared as usual: a lean handsome figure of a young man: uniform pressed, comfortable, with an air of smoldering abrupt violence, and a ting of arrogance. She presupposed the Army put that in him it wasn?t noticeable before. He still had that warm nicety about him though.

[Overseas] It was not in her nature to differentiate between motives, whose results would be the same; he was who he was and perhaps he just was geared up for the war (is why he seemed different, after boot camp, and returning home before he went overseas to war)) WWII)); they had met, just once before he want overseas, his conduct was the same as when they first met, civilized, and polite. She found herself watching him with indifference, one with curiosity attached, as she might have looked upon her brothers going off to war. Perhaps spiritually unreasoned of his return, he?d not be the same. But when he was removed from her life, she saw it as for always; war does such things to folks you know.

[Cold Irony] Was it a judgment on her?? I don?t know, I suppose any one young woman is libel to write a foolish letter, as many did, in World War Two, what they would called a ?Dear John Letter.? I got one in Vietnam, I wanted to forget it, the relationship I had in Germany that is, I suppose as Murray may have thought, wipe it off your mind, clear the mind so you can fight. And then when he returned, she found her flame was still burning, she was dying to know if it could be rekindled as it was before. Perhaps she had to ask him, lest she see everyone on the street with his likeness, a never-ending task to bear. So she asked. Men hide the hurt, and play with the anger, and I suppose he was angry. Oh well, all these guesses, she was dying to know anyhow, and there was an ounce of probability the candle could be relit. But it wasn?t. And perhaps better for it, she may have put him in the stove, and I?d not be writing this letter. And so life goes on. Being 21-years old, pretty, slim, and knowing your window to life is wide open is quite a fabulous thing, we don?t think it will ever close, but slowly it does, we get old. Thus, she would look back, I do not think in regret, but in the fact she had a road of life to look back on.

[The Room] And so now, at 83-years old, she sat in the sofa chair I gave her, in a large room, containing a wide long table aligned, a built-in cabinet with memorabilia in front of her, several feet away. Here she napped occasionally in the hot or brisk afternoons, among the many objects she purchased. All her rooms bore many objects. She spent most of the day sitting in this chair. It was to this room she?d retire, and spend her last days in

9 Keys to Meeting People Online

The world is such a big place. Thanks to the Internet, it makes it a little smaller for everyone. There have been many wonders on Internet that made it easier for people to meet online. There are the chat rooms, e-mails, forums and many social interest groups that would help you meet people from all corners of the world.

Here are keys that can guide you in meeting many people online.

1. Get a connection. You need to have an Internet connection for you to navigate the wonders of the Internet. There are many Internet service providers that can offer you Internet connection at very low prices. Make sure that you choose wisely on the Internet provider if you do not want to end up being frustrated on the Internet.

2. Research the different chat rooms and forums offered by your Internet service providers. Each Internet service providers offers a variety of social interest groups on forums, message boards and chat rooms.

3. You may also choose to use Yahoo and Google as your search engines in widening your options. You can choose the forums, message boards and chat rooms, which you think would fit your interests. If you are into collecting, all you need to do is type the word "collection" or "collecting" in the search box and then you may hit enter. This will give you thousands of options and all you need to do is visit the sites that appeal you.

4. If you would like to find people who share the same interests. Then you may visit these sites and spend more time in there. You will surely meet the birds of the same feather online.

5. Look for guides. Who else could provide you good reference but the experts on the Internet? Seek help from friends who are used to the wonders of the Internet. Ask for tips and guidelines when visiting chat rooms, forums and message boards.

6. When visiting chat rooms, forums and message boards, do not expect to get people's attention right away. Some of them have been there for a long time already. All you need to do is join their conversation naturally and you will surely gain a lot of friends online.

7. Follow rules and guidelines. Never ignore rules implemented on a certain site. This would reflect what kind of a person you are. Being disciplined is one way you can meet decent people online.

8. Be friendly. Once you have met people online, find time to make friends with them. Get to know what they like and dislike. Once you have determined the people who have the same interests as yours, then exert an extra effort to communicate with them regularly.

9. Build trust. Remember to plan an actual date with the person you met online only when you have built trust with the person. Take some time to get to know the person first on your chats and messages before planning on an actual meeting.

Meeting people online may be an easy task. However, the challenge is whether these acquaintances would grow into deeper relationships. Remember to be yourself and make sure that your safety is not sacrificed when meeting people online

5 Quick Tips For Beginning Magicians

If you are new to the world of magic and you're looking to improve the execution of your magic tricks then you've come to the right place. Follow these free tips and you'll start to improve your magic starting today.

Practice your palming skills wherever you go

The most necessary skill of a person with a great sleight of hand is the ability or skill of palming an object that goes undetected. You could perfect this after some time of practicing palming small objects like coins in your everyday normal routine. You could palm a small object or item in both of your hands or either while writing, eating, watching TV, walking around, or doing other activities. If you practice care about the angles, no one would notice what you are doing, and after some time, what you are now doing self-consciously would later become almost natural to you. From then on, you could be able to palm objects or items more confidently, boldly, and successful each time.

Be Natural

The secret in having a great sleight of hand is your ability to be natural. There should be no shaky hands, no hand waving, jerky or quick motions. You should work naturally, deliberately, and slowly. If you master this, balls, coins, rings, cards, and coins will begin reappearing and disappearing at the tips of your fingers.

Watching your angles

You should be aware of your angles. Angles refer to the sleight lines between the item that you have just palmed off and the eye of your spectators. If you do not have the right angles, the audience could take a glimpse or see the object in your hand and your trick will be caught.

Master your presentation

Practice your presentation. A small trick that is well presented could work wonders even without the most sophisticated of techniques since the audience would most likely relate to your trick or understand it.

What good is a magician if nobody understands or enjoys his or her tricks? The presentations therefore should be straightforward, simple, and understood easily so that your viewers or watchers could understand and enjoy the complete meaning of what you have been saying and doing.

Do not replicate a trick

This is a mistake MANY beginners make... Don't be one of them! Do not ever repeat the same trick for the same viewers or watchers. That is one of the basic rules in doing magic. When you repeat a trick, your audience would immediately know what you are going to do next. What may have been a miracle for you when you did your trick for the first time may not be quite satisfying or dazzling the next time around.